The Ultimate Guide to Transforming Anger: Dynamic Tools for Healthy Relationships

The Ultimate Guide to Transforming Anger: Dynamic Tools for Healthy Relationships, Jane Middleton-Moz, Lisa Tener and Peaco Todd, Health Communications, Inc., 2004

Anger is a normal human emotion. How a person deals with that anger is what, metaphorically, "separates the men from the boys."

Many of our attitudes toward disputes and conflict resolution are formed by our families while we are still children. Anger can range from loud and violent to giving each other the silent treatment to blaming the other person and being judgmental. Such people have never learned healthy attitudes toward conflict and anger.

Everyone has things that they don't like about themselves. Whenever they are mentioned by others, intentionally or unintentionally, they can cause feelings of shame or self-hatred. No one can make you feel like a victim unless you allow it. Whenever your height, weight, ethnicity, etc. are brought up, have a response ready to say to the other person or to yourself, to keep that comment from getting you upset.

There are many unhealthy ways to express anger. Among them are constant whining, throwing temper tantrums, being convinced that you are perfect and the rest of the world is wrong, people who remember every injustice ever perpetrated against them and aren't afraid to throw them in your face, bullying & intimidation and gossiping. The book tells how to deal with each type of person.

Perhaps the cause of your anger is more physical than emotional. Maybe eating too much sugar, or not drinking enough water, will cause a meltdown. The cause of your anger could be lack of sleep, or consuming too much alcohol. The book explores what happens to our bodies in the midst of long-term, unhealthy anger.

For married couples, notice your partner's anger style. Are they passive-aggressive or a shouter? At your next argument, consider: taking a time-out, avoiding hurtful words, admitting your frailties, not interrupting and changing your behavior.

At the end of each chapter, there are exercises and places to write down your thoughts and feelings. This is a practical and easy to read book that can help bring about changes in our relationships, and inside ourselves. This is very much worth the reader's time.